TLPoague is a writer, crafter, and traveler. Her online activity is at a minimum since retiring from online writing to fulfill other dreams.
Time for Some Speed, I Mean, Spring Cleaning!
Whether you are in the process of decorating or cleaning your house, I have some helpful tips to pass along to the fellow redneck. Just take note though, that most rednecks wait till company's coming before doing the grab and stash. Only the die-hards attempt to keep up with their house every day. For the rest of us, it is easier to get by with the minimum effort of cleaning.
First impressions are important! So, let's begin with the door the company comes in first. This can be the back door or the front. Generally, these doors will lead into the laundry room, or the front room. Let's just say, for the sake of a good argument, that your company is coming through the front door. Here are some useful tips for getting the job done!
Making a First Impression...
Piles of dirty clothes, magazines, papers, toys, and other assortments need to be picked up. Begin with the dirty clothes, chucking them into the nearest basket. When the basket is full, place it in the nearest closet. (Just make sure this isn't a closet that company will be hanging their coat in.) Keep stacking baskets until they begin to fall over. Then move on to the next closet, till you get all the clothes stashed. If you have full baskets, and empty drawers, just cram as many clothes into the empty drawers till they are full, and couldn't possibly close without two people to assist. (Shoving down on clothes with both hands—while using your hips to slam the drawer shut—works best. It may take a couple of tries to get it shut.)
Next you need someplace to put the rest of the clutter. Find a large box. Using your arm, and making sure there is nothing breakable on the table or chairs, sweep your arm across the table or chair, gathering everything into the box you are holding. Stash the box in the closet, or under your bed. If it is too big for either one, fold the tabs shut and place at the end of a couch or chair. Toss a sheet, blanket, or tablecloth over the box, decorating it with ashtrays and beer cans to make it look as if it was part of the furniture. Now it is time to dust. Place a sock on the end of a broom handle to clear out any cobwebs that may be hiding in corners and cracks. Use your shirttail to clear up any spills on the coffee tables. (Then cover the coffee rings with a decorative bath towel, blanket, sheet, or tablecloth.) Place more ashtrays or beer cans on table to distract from unsightly stains.
If your company is coming through the back door, and it is your laundry room, make sure your clothesline full of bras is taken down. (You wouldn't want to shock...or hang the poor, unsuspecting company.)
Check the back porch, and nearby trees, for any extra clothes that are air drying. Nothing sends up a red flag faster than clothes flapping in the wind. Boxes are your best friend in this room too. Just find the largest ones and begin to fill them with clothes. If the company asks why they are there, just tell them you are doing a bit of spring/winter cleaning. Milk crates can be flipped on their sides and stacked to hold any detergents, while boxes or baskets can contain any other stray items. (Remember the words: ORGANIZED CLUTTER!) Now that you have the first impression under control, it is time to move on to the kitchen!
The Kitchen! A Place of Gathering...
The kitchen table and kitchens are main places most company likes to hang out at. (I think it is the food that attracts them.) It is here that the company will notice any dishes that seem to be growing fur, or moving on their own.
If you have clean dishes sitting out, cram them into a nearby tote, and haul them upstairs to store in the attic. Just make sure you have enough dishes to serve to your company. Dirty dishes can be hidden inside the oven or dishwasher. If you still have dishes lying about, start flipping them into the dish drainer and cover it with a towel. Fill your kitchen sink with hot soapy water and place the remaining dishes in the water. This way when the company shows up, you can claim they caught you doing dishes. Hope and pray they don't use a dirty one for a drink!
Any crusted up dishes, place on the floor for the dogs to help clean. Now it is time to sweep and mop. If you can't find your broom and you have a small, long-haired dog handy, grab a nearby sock to play tug-of-war with. As the dog is gripping the sock, swirl it around the floor till all the dirt is cleared.
What if you find that you don't have a mop—because the kids took it outside to play swords with?
No problem, slap a paper towel, rag, or sock on the bottom of a Swiffer mop; get damp, and sweep across the floor. If this is going to be a bigger job to tackle, due to dried-on food, take a bucket full of hot soapy water, pour small amounts on the dirtiest spots. Wait five minutes, then wipe up with a bath towel. (This same concept can be used for cleaning the counters, table, inside the microwave, fridge and top of the stove.) Now that the kitchen is cleaned, move on to the bathroom. We all know that eventually the company will need a bathroom break.
Yuck! The Dreaded Bathroom...
As you survey the disaster before you, you can't help but to suck hard on the cancer stick, watch the clock, and hope the company doesn't come early.
The children have managed to rip off half the shower curtain, left a ring of something greasy in the tub, and the toilet is chalked full of floating logs and toilet paper. You also realize you are missing the curtain to the window. This calls for some serious elbow grease!
Begin by dumping Pine Sol straight on the greasy ring until it is fully covered, and running down the drain.
Next, grab a slotted spoon and begin removing the contents in the toilet. If there isn't a slotted spoon handy, just use the toilet brush. (Toilet paper adheres very well to the bristles!) Any overflow from the toilet can be cleaned up with dirty bath towels. Those can be stashed outside in a nearby trash can till laundry day, just don't forget to shake the logs out first into the grass.
Your toilet and bathroom sink are ready to be doused with Pine Sol. While that is soaking, wipe up, or use a pitcher of hot water on the Pine Sol in the bathtub. Usually the shower curtain is used to hide the contents of the tub, but remember, the children ripped it. If you have time, clothes pin the shower curtain to the hooks. If not, make your own with plastic used to cover the windows.
A towel can be used to cover the unsightly window. No curtain rod? No problem! Just use a wired clothes hanger that is straightened out.
None of those handy? No problem! Use staples, bobby pins, or twine to hang your towel curtain.
It shouldn't take long now to go back and wipe out the toilet and sink. Check the mirror for any hidden boogers and toothpaste. A lightly damp rag can be used to wipe the mirror up.
What About Outside?
Now it is time to check the path to the house for Fido's droppings. You wouldn't want your company stepping into a fresh, steaming pile.
Quickly dig a trench in the yard. It is handy to throw the dirt into a wheelbarrow so you can just pour the dirt back into the trench. If you are short of time...fling it into the street, or the annoying neighbor's yard. (I have even heard of some people flinging it onto the annoying neighbor's roof, so that when it rains, it will fill their gutters. I would never dream of this. With my luck I would miss the roof and hit myself!)
Now, it is time to take a moment to collect your thoughts. Address your hard work for anything that may catch the company's attention, and ruin your first impressions; or just their impression of you.
Are you feeling satisfied? Then pop a beer open or your favorite beverage, and sit on the couch to catch your breath. In some cases, a second smoke is in order. Feel good that you have done your duty!
Additional Tips for Spring Cleaning
While cleaning, move all your furniture to the front porch to give your neighbors the impression that you are moving.
Rotate the clutter from one room to another till it is gone. Place your bottles or sippy cups into the washing machine. Set to delicate to quickly wash large loads. Just make sure there isn't any kind of glass content in there.
Quick mop jobs can be used with the wet bath towels from your shower. Use vinyl tablecloths or plastic for windows, to cover the mattress of a bed-wetter.
Tips for When You Don't Have the Proper Equipment
Desperate for a diaper? Use a dishtowel for the clothes diaper, plastic grocery bag for the plastic pants, and electrical tape to hold it on. This will work in a jiffy till you can get to the store.
Dryer broke? Dry or iron out clothes in the microwave. They can also be hung off car windows, tree branches, or porch railings.
In need of a potholder? Use the sleeves from the long sleeve shirt you are wearing. Just remember, if you go far, it does get hot.
No dustpan or broom? Use the vacuum to suck up any dirt on the floor. Remember, if rolling over the dirt too fast, it shoots out the sides forming a large dust cloud.
No mop? Use your carpet shampooer to mop with. It is amazing how quick and easy clean-up is.
Desperate for a napkin? Use a tee-shirt or clean underwear. Note: These can also be used for tea towels, dishrags, or coffee filters. Be sure not to use silk.
Your long-haired cat or dog can be used to clear out dust bunnies from under furniture.
- Use Pine-Sol in place of laundry detergent.
- Use shampoo in place of dish soap, or dish soap in place of shampoo.
- Duck tape can be used to patch up rips in your britches or bloomers.
- Use cinnamon brooms to make the house smell clean. (My nephew seems to think farts make great air fresheners, so if you want to clear a room...)
Time is of the essence when company is coming, so I hope these tips will help the fellow redneck in a cleaning jam. (Most of the time it is your mother's crucial eye.)
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Tammy (author) on November 28, 2014:
I have loved our chats. I am glad to be able to pass along a laugh. I had so much fun writing this. I need to do a few more. Thanks for the encouragement!
Nell Rose from England on November 27, 2014:
Hiya tipi, I just shared this again after talking about it, it still made me laugh so much I choked on my cuppa! lol!
Tammy (author) on January 18, 2014:
That sounds like something my daughter did because she didn't want to clean her room. I bet you had a great time with your siblings reminiscing about certain items and why you kept them. It sounds like a story in the making... :)
Brian Leekley from Bainbridge Island, Washington, USA on January 18, 2014:
Up, Useful, Interesting, and Funny.
Thanks for all the practical tips.
Some decades ago when my mother was widowed, I moved back home to help her keep the family used book business going. It was a small, no employees business, and we worked hard to scrape by. We didn't have time to pay much attention to housework. On the rare occasion when company came to visit, our quick cleanup methods were similar to yours. One thing we did was stuff large-size garbage bags with paper clutter, close them with twist-ties, attach a note saying, "Sort now!", and put them in the attic. Years later when my siblings and I were getting ready to sell the house, I sorted through those bags. It was mostly things like old coupons, old newspapers and magazines, notes to self, shopping lists, and so on, but I also found my birth certificate, a check that was way too late to deposit, and lots of paper clips, ball point pens, and such.
Tammy (author) on February 22, 2013:
I think every child does that just to get the job done in a hurry. We never realized growing up that it would have taken just as much effort to do the job right the first time. Instead we spent the time racing to see who could get done first. My children would love to make forts out of their mattresses. I could always tell then what they were hiding under their beds.
Thanks for stopping by, I am glad you liked it.
Vinaya Ghimire from Nepal on February 22, 2013:
During my boyhood, when my mother asked me to clean my room, I always hid clutter under my bed. I liked your humorous style of telling things.
Tammy (author) on November 29, 2012:
Thanks Mega1, sorry I missed your comment somehow. I have had a busy summer and it seems every time I start getting into the swing of things here to catch up, I have problems with my internet or computer. I love that comment "I don't feel like folding the clothes, so I just run the dryer again!" That sounds like someone else I know. :) It drives my hubby nuts, but there are times I need a little chaos to feel normal. Then when it gets to be too much, I do purge cleaning. Your cousin sounds like a few members of my family that do the same thing, so I agree, maybe that is the way we can hide things in plain sight.
Thanks Jamie, I am glad you enjoyed it. I wished I had a video of my LaChon when she was trying to get at her toy under my fireplace. She came out looking like one big dust bunnie. I laughed till I had tears in my eyes as she sat there looking at me, with her head tilted, wondering what I was laughing at. Thanks for the vote!
Jamie Brock from Texas on November 28, 2012:
This is too funny! I hate to admit, I can actually relate to the "organized clutter". Also a few of your tips are actually quite useful! I am loving the one about putting the sock on the end of the broom to dust around the corners :) Great hub.. funny.. yet useful too! Voting up :)
mega1 on June 18, 2012:
Great funny person you are - but I recognize most of these "cleaning" techniques and appreciate the reminder about some I haven't used for awhile.
You will appreciate this comment I saw on facebook: I don't feel like folding the clothes, so I just run the dryer again!
My cousin kept so much stuff on the kitchen table nobody, not even one person could find room to sit there to eat. Now I realize what a redneck he was - everything (even the little dolly socks, who knows where or why) on that table had its place and he would notice if you moved something - we used to bug him by doing that. I contend that us disorderly types are just messy on the outside - inside we know where every item is at any given time - and maybe that's the way we hide things in plain sight.
Tammy (author) on March 04, 2012:
Thanks Rosemay, I have to agree. I have lost count how many boxes I stored away in a quick dash only to wonder where I put the stuff. I couldn't believe it when I started finding puppies under my couch. I was wondering where they were disappearing to, until one feel asleep with his little paws sticking out. It was hilarious. I am glad I could give you a smile today. Thanks again!
Rosemary Sadler from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand on March 03, 2012:
This is the funniest hub I have read in a while. I have done the arm thing and swept everything into boxes, trouble is that's where they stay and then you can't find what you want because its still in the box you never think of looking in.
I don't think my dog would fit under the bed Lol
Great hub I love your ideas. thank you for the laugh
Tammy (author) on January 30, 2012:
Thanks Mom, Short of taking a cattle prod to them, I'm not sure how long it will take them to post their stories. If I have time this week, I will try to write that one.
mljdgulley354 on January 30, 2012:
I can't wait to hear some of your girls stories. Especially Auntie, Mom is trying to kill me. That was absolutely to precious. Just a reminder.
Tammy (author) on January 30, 2012:
Thanks Happy, Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. I have been hammered with some issues that need to be taken care of. It is a pleasure to see you stop by and brighten my day.
Thanks Betty, LOL! I did that once. It is amazing to see how many people stop thinking you are having a yard sale. Of course, when I finally had a yard sale, hardly anyone showed up. Go figure?...LOL! Thanks for stopping by!
Becky Katz from Hereford, AZ on January 29, 2012:
Got to thinking about this and it reminded me of a funny thing that happened when I was a teenager. We were putting new carpet in and had to clear the living room, dining room, and hall. Hall got cleared into bedrooms. Just a few bookcases. The garage was stuffed, as usual, and so we ended up taking the furniture from the living room and dining room out to the front yard. We had people about wrecking in the street, jamming their brakes on. "Oh, your having a yard sale!!!" We had to disappoint them, although we did sell a chair that my mom hated and wanted to replace. It was a dog hair magnet. My mom swore that the dog should scream from it ripping her hair out.
Gail Sobotkin from South Carolina on January 29, 2012:
Congratulations on earning the Hub of the Day award for this hilarious hub!
I especially liked the make-shift diaper idea and the dust bunny photo!
Great job. Voted up across the board!
Tammy (author) on January 25, 2012:
Thanks Dim, *Passes a Kleenx for the tears* I am glad to have brightened your day with a laugh. I laughed the whole time I was writing it. If you need more to fill your day, check out a few of my clean humor hubs, or Big Nam. I plan on adding to these series in the future...stay tuned!
Dim Flaxenwick from Great Britain on January 25, 2012:
By the time I´d got to the Kitchen part, where dishes may have fur or start moving on their own, I was a floppy mess of laughter, literally crying.!!!! I have never ever read anything so funny.
I salute you andI think I´d better ´follow´you in case you come up with anything like this again.
Thank you, thank you, still laughing with tears running.
Tammy (author) on January 22, 2012:
Thanks Oceansnsunsets, Poor Big Nam about had a stroke when he walked in and seen his house. He wasn't use to seeing it so organized. Most of us don't stress much anymore if we know family is coming. It is when someone outside the family is due for a visit that the pack rat kicks in and stuff is grabbed and stashed. It is hilarious to think about in a way. I am one of those take me as I am kind of people. I don't go see someone to see what kind of house they have. I am there to see them. Like you said "life and family is precious". My grandmother once told me some wise words...you were born with dishes in the sink, and you will die with dishes in the sink. Who cares about the dishes? (As long as they don't have fur or move on their own.) Thanks for the wonderful comment. I am happy to pass on a laugh!
Paula from The Midwest, USA on January 22, 2012:
Too funny, Tlpoague! Clutter does happen to all of us sometimes, and to be able to laugh about it and have some fun and funny suggestions can keep things light! This is a great hub to remember when we may be getting stressed out due to company coming. Life and family is precious, remembering what really matters most, is the most important thing. Stuff is just stuff, and having company over is the stuff memories are made of so often. Thanks for sharing. Big Nam would be smiling at this for sure. :)
Tammy (author) on January 22, 2012:
Thanks RNMSN, Sometimes one can't help but take short cuts when under pressure. Glad I could make ya laugh! Thanks again!
Thanks Lori, I agree! You know you're addicted to HubPages when your rooms begin to look like this...LOL!
LoriSoard from Henryville, Indiana on January 21, 2012:
Funny. Reminds me of some of my speed cleaning sessions. You've got to do what you've got to do. LOL
Barbara Bethard from Tucson, Az on January 21, 2012:
tlpoague, this is priceless, made me laugh at myself so much!! but hey, whatever works! :)
Tammy (author) on January 21, 2012:
@ Thelma, I am glad to put a smile on your face. Thanks for the congrats. I was floored to wake up this morning to this being the hub of the day. It sure brighten my day.
@L.L., That would be a terrific idea! I know they do podcast here, maybe you could make a podcast of it, and post for HP. Thanks again for the comment.
@Veronica, It came as a complete surprise to me. I never thought it would qualify for a HOTD. I was so excited I almost called my mom at 3 am. Thanks for the votes!
@Peggy, Hmm, that sounds like an excellent idea. I will have to ask my sisters if they have ever tried it. You could make some pillows too. I bet they would be nice and soft. Well, maybe a little pokey depending how short the hair was. Thanks for the vote! I am glad I could put a smile on your face.
@mljdgulley, Thanks Mom! I am prepared!
@John, I use to claim that I was the queen of clutter, but then I seen my sister's house. I think she had me beat that day. I had a sudden urge to clean. Hmm, I wonder why? Thanks again for stopping by!
@Angela, Everyone needs to start their day with a laugh. I am glad I could pass one on. Thanks for stopping by.
@DzyMsLizzy, Thanks! I think I have heard of them. I never did read the book though. Back when my children were little, I did all sorts of tricks to hide my clutter. I even packed up my dirty laundry into boxes till the company left. I think the only ones to catch on were my mother and mother-in-law. Thanks for the vote and the congrats!
@RealHousewife, I agree! When the arm doesn't work, try a yardstick or broom. They do wonders for quick cleaning. (I am just a terrible am when using them. Most of the stuff ends up on the floor.) Thanks for stopping by! I am glad I could pass on a few laughs.
@Sherry, If you think the closet was bad, check out the picture on my Redneck decorating hub. It may take a week to find the floor! LOL! Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
@Aslaught, Hmm, I wonder how many housewives have tried these ideas an hour before company was coming? LOL! I know I did a few. Thanks!
@ Becky, I still talk about my daughter to this day and a cleaning job she once did. I forgot to mention it in this hub, but have mentioned it a time or two in the past. I had told her she had a half an hour to clean her room. (She was about four at the time and very independent.) If she didn't clean her room, I would come in with a trash can and throw away anything left on the floor. I stepped out of the room and went about checking my son's room and putting away a few things of my own. After the half an hour was up, I went to check on her. To my surprise, she had four garbage bags stuffed full in her room. I asked what she was doing, and she looked up with a smile and said “I didn't feel like cleaning my room, so I am helping you throw it away.” surprised couldn't describe how I felt. We hauled everything out to the garage, and she slept on a bare bed for a week. (It was during the summer, so she didn't have to worry about needing blankets.) Funny thing is, it never bothered her that her stuff was gone for the week. Kids can do the darnedest things. Thanks!!
@Marcy, I hear you! I love your motto! I will have to try that sometime. Thanks!!
@Homesteadpatch, Thanks! My sisters and I went to help my dad clean his house one week. His housekeeper wondered how it was that we could find the stuff he was missing. My sister piped up “organized clutter” when you live with this type of clutter, you memorized where things are. Poor dad couldn't find a thing once we were done. He isn't use to his house being organized. I will be sure to hang on to the Quadrajets! Thanks for the vote!
@JayeWisdom, My sisters and I have become pros when it came to different tricks. I hate dishes and laundry, so those I put off when I can. I usually do dishes once a day and laundry once a week. I have known of some family members that put it off long enough for fur to grow and socks to walk on their own. One learns very quickly how to do a cover up when that happens and company is on its way. Thanks for stopping by! I am glad you enjoyed it!
@mindyjgirl, My sister Pie told me about the slotted spoon and toilet brush technique. Her son used the idea when he overflowed the toilet and didn't want his mom to know about it. It wasn't until she went to clean the toilet and seen the brush that she found out about it. We still laugh to this day. I use the towel trick every once in a while. Laundry is always piled up somewhere till I decide to fold it. Thanks! I am glad to have brightened your day!
@pstraubie, Thanks! I am happy when I can make people laugh. Everyone needs a laugh at some point.
@Nell, Don't forget the phrase organized clutter. It works wonders too! I am happy you enjoyed it and glad to see you back. (My cheeks still hurt from smiling!) I am still amazed it made Hub of the Day. Thanks again! ~Hub Hugs~
@Mary, LOL!! I was cleaning my son's room a few months back when he was staying with us. I seen lumps in his mattress and was afraid to check under it. Curiosity finally won out and I sneaked a peek. It was his uniform for work. When he came home, I asked him about it. He said he was ironing his cloths. I laughed so hard I had to run to the bathroom. I am like you. I forget if things are in the oven. I can't count how many times I have heated up my cast iron skillets doing that. Thanks for the vote! It is a pleasure to pass on a few giggles.
@Daughter, I hope you had a box of Kleenex nearby. Snot on the sleeve is no fun. I am happy to have brighten your day with tears of laughter. It was a surprise for me to find I had won this wonderful honor. I am looking forward to writing a few more pieces to pass on. (Okay, maybe a few more laughs trying.) Thanks for taking the time to stop by for a bit of excitement.
@Moon, I am glad to have brightened your day. I am a far cry from perfect! If you need a few more laughs some day, check out some of my other clean humor hubs. That will have your crying for hours...I mean minutes. Thanks again!!
Moon Willow Lake on January 21, 2012:
Thank-you so much for all the laughs as I sure needed that! And, it helped me to feel better that "everyone else" isn't so 'perfect'! (Smiles!)
Melissa Flagg COA OSC from Rural Central Florida on January 21, 2012:
This made me laugh until I cried, especially the toilet part! lmao This is great, thank you so much! Congrats on Hub of the Day! I can see why you got it!
Mary Hyatt from Florida on January 21, 2012:
I loved this! Congrats on Hub of the Day! When my kids were small and had to clean their room. I found out they were just shoving everything under the bed. I fixed them. I put the mattress right on the floor! I'm so dumb if I put anything in the oven, I'd forget and turn it on. Thanks for the giggle! I voted this UP, etc.
Nell Rose from England on January 21, 2012:
Had to come back to say congrats! and by the way, I now keep saying, cleaning the redneck way! ha ha! its another one of those sayings that I will keep!
Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on January 21, 2012:
i love this...and of course, i have NEVER resorted to any of these tricks (wink wink)...o how funny....a laff is a good thing at the end of, beginning of, middle of a day....thanks for sharing this and YAHOO on the hub of the day!!! :D
Mindy Bench from Oregon on January 21, 2012:
HAHAHA, LOL, OMG that was funny, the slotted spoon was a bit over the top, but I must admit I have mopped my floor with a towel, when I couldn't find my mop once or twice & all my laundry gets thrown on the bed in the back room ;)
Jaye Denman from Deep South, USA on January 21, 2012:
Hilarious! Voted UP and FUNNY! VERY FUNNY!
This reminds me that many years ago when I was a young wife, a friend told me what she did with a sinkful of dirty dishes when she saw her inlaws pulling into her driveway without advance notice. She dumped all the dishes into a garbage bag and put the bag behind the shower curtain in the bathroom, meanwhile running water into the sink to get rid of gunk. By the time they rang the doorbell, she was ready for them to go into the kitchen for coffee. She only had to make some coffee and hope there were still enough clean cups to be used!
I never tried that, but kept it in the back of my mind in case of dire emergencies. Looks as though you have LOTS of techniques to get ready for unexpected visitors.
Really enjoyed the funny read!
homesteadpatch from Michigan on January 21, 2012:
Organized Clutter, you've described all my outbuildings, and my basement. Don't throw out those Rochester Quadrajets! Voted up.
Marcy Goodfleisch from Planet Earth on January 21, 2012:
Years ago, I adopted the motto, "If God meant closets to be clean, He wouldn't have put doors on them?" works for drawers, pantries, the truck of the car, you get it . . .
Great hub & lots of laughs - thanks!
Becky Katz from Hereford, AZ on January 21, 2012:
Congrats on HOTD, definitely deserved. You are such a great comedic writer, I do not know why you don't do more. I am laughing because I have caught every one of my kids cleaning this way. Their bedroom closets were dangerous. Don't open the door. All the towels and glasses have disappeared and I cleaned the closets out. They were highly indignant when I made them do the laundry for 3 days straight to catch up with the backlog. The dishwasher had to be loaded once for each closet I went through. They seem to have finally outgrown that thankfully.
aslaught from Alabama on January 21, 2012:
Hilarious! Loved reading this hub. I think I've seen my panicked self in some of these suggestions.
Sherry Hewins from Sierra Foothills, CA on January 21, 2012:
OK, that closet was pretty bad. Thanks for the good advice and humor. Congrats on Hub of the Day, much deserved.
Kelly Umphenour from St. Louis, MO on January 21, 2012:
Tip - haha! Love it - I think my kids might have read this when I wasn't watching too! Lol. I think you might be onto something with the sweeping arm - you could patent that. It's what every real housewife needs:)
Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on January 21, 2012:
Hilarious! I read a similar book years back by a couple of "organizing gurus" going by the name of "The Slob Sisters." They, too, recommended hiding dirty dishes in all sorts of creative spaces, and then leaving the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the floor, as if you were just about to use it.
Hahahaha... very funny. Voted up and funny...and congratulations on Hub of the Day!
angela p from Richmond, Virginia on January 21, 2012:
This is hilarious. Bad thing is I can relate 100%. I needed this laugh today.. great job and congrats on hub of the day.
John Sarkis from Winter Haven, FL on January 21, 2012:
Congrats on your article. I hate clutter very much, so I try to straighten up whenever possible.
Thanks for making me laugh - enjoyed it!
mljdgulley354 on January 21, 2012:
Congratulations on hub of the day.
I will be back to visit. Just a heads up for you girls. Great job!
Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on January 21, 2012:
This is SO FUNNY! One tip I could still use...what to do with all the accumulated dog and cat hair? Perhaps it should be saved to pad the boxes for all those last minute breakable objects crammed into them at the last moment? Seems a shame to toss out perfectly good cushioning like that! Up votes! Still smiling!!!
Veronica Roberts from Ohio, USA on January 21, 2012:
I have to say that I'm not surprised that this became a HOTD! =] Well deserved!!!
Voted up, useful, funny, awesome, & interesting!
L.L. Woodard from Oklahoma City on January 21, 2012:
Think I'll have to read this aloud and record it. It should provide some chuckles when I begin spring cleaning.
Thelma Alberts from Germany on January 21, 2012:
Hahaha... So funny but very useful. Thanks for this hub. It is a great help to me. And before I forget: Congrats for the 100!!!!
Tammy (author) on January 21, 2012:
Thanks That Grrl, A long haired cat would have made a terrific dust bunny. If you could get them to hold still long enough to slid under the furniture...LOL!
Laura Brown from Barrie, Ontario, Canada on January 21, 2012:
I had a long haired cat once. She would have just LOVED being used to clean up dust bunnies. Not! LOL
Tammy (author) on January 21, 2012:
Thanks Kikalina, I have found the most time consuming place to start is the kitchen. Sometimes I save it for last.
kikalina from Europe on January 21, 2012:
LOL great hub. Had me smiling and wondering where to start around here!
Tammy (author) on January 21, 2012:
Thanks James, I think I have finally broke my record. I couldn't believe it when I logged in to see Hub of the Day either. I couldn't have done it without the help of my family. I am glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks Barber, I have shoved it into closets, under the bed, a spare room, and even the garage. I never did try to wash dishes in the washing machine though. That idea was a new one for me. (The person that gave me the idea said it works great. She did it once in a jam.) I couldn't believe it! Thanks again!
Thanks goego, I'll try!
Thanks Jacqui, I about fainted when I seen I had Hub of the Day. I was so excited, I was doing a dance in my chair. (My poor hubby thought I had lost my mind again...LOL!) Dogs have so many creative uses than just being a pet. I call mine a flopping mop. My daughter just calls her an expensive q-tip. Thank you again for the vote and comment. I am off to celebrate!
jacqui2011 from Norfolk, UK on January 21, 2012:
I loved reading this hub, it was hilarious. I love your dust buster and your tip for getting stuck-on food off the plates - it's brilliant! Congratulations on receiving "Hub of the Day", it is well-deserving. Voted up/funny.
goego from Loserland on January 21, 2012:
aye man hang onto that dang ol' box of Rochester's for me...
Stacy Harris from Hemet, Ca on January 20, 2012:
I laughed the whole way through this... although sadly, I have used some of these techniques.. but avoid shoving them in closets were I will lose them... I shove them in a room not allowed for company! Ha ha! this was just too funny!
James A Watkins from Chicago on January 20, 2012:
Congratulations on the 100 Author Score!
I enjoyed your very funny Hub. I come from a family of Hillbillies, so I can relate. I know people who have done these very things. LOL!
Tammy (author) on January 20, 2012:
Thanks Nell, It is a blessing to be able to pass on a few laughs. My mother is the one that kept pressing me to write something humorous. She had spent a day going through some of my old Fletcher hubs. I call them the Fletcher hubs, because I would have never wrote them if it wasn't for his constests. Mom told me I had a talent for making people laugh. Naturally, I blushed and didn't think so, but after reading some of the comments from my Redneck, Big Nam, and Fletcher hubs, I can't help but feel gratitude. It makes me happy to pass a laugh to others. I am working on a few others. I only hope they are as funny as this one. Stay tooned for more! :)
Thanks Quill, As long as my family can provide me with some roaring moments, I will continue to write them. My dad, Big Nam, was an inspiration behind most of my earlier hubs and his series. Once I started writing about him, it just took on a life of its own to include many other family members. I will do my best to continue to write more. I am glad you are enjoying them! ~Hub Hugs~
Thanks Drbj, That sounds like a superb idea. I am tired now, thinking of all my cleaning I need to do today. I may have to take a nap before I dig in. I will have to try your idea so I don't get caught. Thanks for the laugh! :)
Thanks Dahoglund, I agree! It seems to take more of an effort to clean than to ignore it till the last minute. I can only imagine what I will be like in twenty years. Thanks again for stopping by!
Don A. Hoglund from Wisconsin Rapids on January 20, 2012:
As we get older we are getting closer to doing these things.
drbj and sherry from south Florida on January 19, 2012:
Reading this great hub about cleaning and de-cluttering before company arrives made me so tired, tip, that I only have the strength to do one thing: Make up a large sign printed on yellow paper and fasten it to the front door. What does the sign say "BUILDING CONDEMNED."
Your company will then leave. Guaranteed.
Rolly A Chabot from Alberta Canada on January 19, 2012:
Love the Redneck stories... keep em coming girl... speak about it and they will come... LOL
Blessings and Hugs
Nell Rose from England on January 19, 2012:
Hi, lol! I haven't laughed so much in ages, thanks! this was absolutely brilliant! the scary thing is, I have done similar things in my time, no not the toilet! lol! but clearing out the mess into boxes when someone is visiting, and using a clean towel to help dry the kitchen floor after mopping! this is bookmarked for when I want a really good laugh! voted up hilarious!
Tammy (author) on January 19, 2012:
Thanks B., I hate to clean, but will do it when it needs it. Coming from a large family, it seems that is all we did was clean. I like your idea...DIRT BE GONE! Now it is off to write another hub. Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks K9, I wish my sister Pie would write some of her ideas. She is a bigger hoot than I am. You would have fell in love with her Redneck Remodeling ideas. I thought about writing them for her, but I didn't have the pictures that she does. My other sister, Bean, gave me a few more ideas to start a new hub. I will have to see what I can do to get pictures for it. I am glad you liked it!
India Arnold from Northern, California on January 19, 2012:
Another very entertaining romp in the world of Redneck Home Improvement! Simply a hoot!
b. Malin on January 19, 2012:
Too Funny "Tipoague" but really Great Tips (Ha, Ha). Cleaning is NOT for everyone, Wishfully Thinking is...Wave a wand, and click your heels,... close your eyes and say, DIRT BE GONE! Then open your eyes, and write a Hub or two...works for me Every Time!
Tammy (author) on January 19, 2012:
Thanks Simone, It is amazing how many uses Pine Sol has, besides cutting grease and smelling good. I was just informed of a few more tips, for cleaning and decorating, but I will save that for another hub. I am glad you liked it. Let me know how your arm sweeping cleaning goes. :)
Simone Haruko Smith from San Francisco on January 19, 2012:
Wow, who knew that Pine Sol has so much utility? This is awesome. I especially like this arm sweeping technique. Straight into the box everything goes- with one simple gesture! Can't wait to give this a go.
Tammy (author) on January 19, 2012:
Thanks Julz, Ya, some days that can be a problem...where to put everything. My thought was, if everything was stashed in different areas, how would you find it later? Hmm...
Thanks Eiddwen, I am glad to be able to put a smile on your day. I think everyone needs a little laugh this week to cover up the cold winter snap. Take care and have a blessed day.
Thanks Susan, That just brought to mind a picture I was going to add and forgot. I'll be right back! Ok, here is another tip, puppies work best when trying to clean out dust bunnies from low couches or sofas. LOL! My sister Pie has so many different tricks that she does, I couldn't believe it. I can honestly tell you that every tip used here has been tried and really does work. I am glad you had a great laugh. :)
Susan Zutautas from Ontario, Canada on January 19, 2012:
I have to try using my dog to get all the dust bunnies out from under the beds and couches. I'll let you know how it goes :). Here I thought I was the only one that hid dirty dishes in the oven. This was so much fun to read. Up awesome and funny.
Eiddwen from Wales on January 19, 2012:
A brilliant hub thank you for sharing;so funny and useful.
Take care and enjoy your day.
Julz09 on January 19, 2012:
ahh Yes, The good old fashion clean up aye! Its just know where to put everything i spose lol not an easy task.
Tammy (author) on January 18, 2012:
Thanks Steph! I have a few people to thank for this hub. My mom encouraged me to write something humorous and my sisters added their input. Of course, I wouldn't be able to come up with half the ideas if it wasn't for Big Nam, my dad.
Stephanie Marshall from Bend, Oregon on January 18, 2012:
Hahaha - I love how I rated this hub as both useful AND funny. That's gotta be a first. But you do inspire cleaning and organizing with your unique, humorous take on the matter. Love your photos and descriptions. Bookmarked so I can laugh out loud again. :)